Saturday, March 18, 2006
last night, mel shared about love. and how we need to love others, and let others love us. so we need to open up to people and share burdens with one another and yah you know the rest of it.
i think that that is one of the problems i have with ccf. well, maybe not ccf, but with people in general. it's so hard for me to just open up to people that i don't know, or just to open up to people that i sorta know. i mean, there are some things that i can't tell my best friend but i can tell a complete stranger (cuz i know i'll never see them again), but with ccf, i know i'm going to see them again on campus, at church, and at fellowship and so it's hard for me to open up if i don't know them. and part of the reason is because of my past. relationships (not the boy girl kind, but rather more friendships and family relations) in the past totally just destroyed that part of me that trusted people. and i guess from that, i just couldn't open up to people anymore. sometimes, i really wish i could. but you know after being hurt many times and being vulnerable to people, somewhere, in that heart or brain function or whatever, just says i can't take this anymore because i don't want to get hurt anymore. so somewhere along the way, you just stop allowing people to enter your life, you create yourself a defense mechanism because that's how it is, and like you don't talk about anything deep with people. i mean, i still have my best friends back at home where i tell pretty much everything to them, but ccf is also a place where we're suppose to be able to share things with, be able to share each others burdens, and be able to pray for one another knowing that your brothers and sisters in christ will always be there for you. and so i guess, this is going to be a challenge for me, to be able to open up to people (and more so people at ccf) again. but i do see things have changed since 1st year. because i think in 1st year, i was even worse. but like any other thing, it takes time.
you know there's a lot of love though. i think some people just have a different way of showing it then others.. mel also shared about how there IS a lot of love within the fellowship and everything and there IS something different. which leads me on to talk about how that love i saw really brought me to where i am today.. but i will leave that for another time.
** edit ... 3:42AM
i think this was from suzi's page.. i dunno, do you agree?
"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."
i think that that is one of the problems i have with ccf. well, maybe not ccf, but with people in general. it's so hard for me to just open up to people that i don't know, or just to open up to people that i sorta know. i mean, there are some things that i can't tell my best friend but i can tell a complete stranger (cuz i know i'll never see them again), but with ccf, i know i'm going to see them again on campus, at church, and at fellowship and so it's hard for me to open up if i don't know them. and part of the reason is because of my past. relationships (not the boy girl kind, but rather more friendships and family relations) in the past totally just destroyed that part of me that trusted people. and i guess from that, i just couldn't open up to people anymore. sometimes, i really wish i could. but you know after being hurt many times and being vulnerable to people, somewhere, in that heart or brain function or whatever, just says i can't take this anymore because i don't want to get hurt anymore. so somewhere along the way, you just stop allowing people to enter your life, you create yourself a defense mechanism because that's how it is, and like you don't talk about anything deep with people. i mean, i still have my best friends back at home where i tell pretty much everything to them, but ccf is also a place where we're suppose to be able to share things with, be able to share each others burdens, and be able to pray for one another knowing that your brothers and sisters in christ will always be there for you. and so i guess, this is going to be a challenge for me, to be able to open up to people (and more so people at ccf) again. but i do see things have changed since 1st year. because i think in 1st year, i was even worse. but like any other thing, it takes time.
you know there's a lot of love though. i think some people just have a different way of showing it then others.. mel also shared about how there IS a lot of love within the fellowship and everything and there IS something different. which leads me on to talk about how that love i saw really brought me to where i am today.. but i will leave that for another time.
** edit ... 3:42AM
i think this was from suzi's page.. i dunno, do you agree?
"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."
# posted by jann @ 1:14 PM 
